


Beginnings

by FaeXo



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, First Chapter Past Tense, Friendship/Love, Homelessness, Hurt/Comfort, I Made Up Mello's Past/Memories, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, My First AO3 Post, POV Mello | Mihael Keehl, Rest of Story is Present Tense, Wammy House
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:21:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24516841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaeXo/pseuds/FaeXo
Summary: Seconds away from his death, Mello reflects on his past. How would have things turned out if he did things differently? There's no telling now, but memories soon begin to flood his mind. We're taken back to his Wammy's House days, where he was saved from an unfortunate life only to come to an unfortunate ending in the present. But still, it wasn't all bad... Was it?
Relationships: Matt | Mail Jeevas/Mello | Mihael Keehl
Kudos: 10





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, all! This is my first posting here on Ao3! ^_^ Basically, I intend to give Mello a backstory here, since we only know so much. I intend for it to be mostly cute, but short, so hopefully it does justice to my intentions! Enjoy!

They say that your life flashes before your eyes just prior to your demise. For many years, I believed this to be true. And now? I know for a fact that it is true. 

Hunting Kira had certainly been the highlight of my life. Maybe I wasn’t the one to catch him, but I take pride in all that I accomplished. It wasn’t until I got too far into my own plans that I realized my ideals were all wrong. Competing to become the best - all for what? Just like L, I would die eventually and become nothing more but a history textbook, if that. I spent too much of my time mixed up in my own emotions and focusing on what I needed to do to succeed that I had completely forgotten to just live. 

Say what you want about Near, but there were so many ways in which I was better than him. No, that’s not my ego talking once more. Near succeeded in intelligence and strategy, that was a given. But as for emotions, he greatly lacked in them. Even more than L, believe it or not. As I learned early on in life, emotions were complex but vastly important in communicating with others. Ambition is another thing - Near simply just did as he was told. He had no backbone, no personality, no individuality. Me, on the other hand, I strived to find ways to become better. I excelled in manipulation and creating relationships, unlike Near. I didn’t realize then that I had these special talents over Near and that it was why we were pressured to work together. Together we would have been indestructible.

Do I regret my stubborn decision to work on my own? No. 

Years and years of self-inflicted torture forced me to become bitter, yet I often looked back on the past. I couldn’t imagine having a different life at this point. Sometimes I wish things would have gone differently, maybe so that I wouldn’t have been so headstrong. I could have been surrounded by friends, perhaps even had a family. But then, I suppose I did have a family all along, even if it was a dysfunctional one.

Wammy’s House… 

I remember when I first arrived there. I suppose everyone does, since they don’t let children in before the age of eight. Which made sense - it wasn’t like we had nannies to take care of us. Every child at Wammy’s House was independent and self-sufficient. The only responsibility we had was to learn as much as we could and try our hardest to be L’s successors. Though, not everyone made it that far in their classes to be considered a successor. That was only achieved by Near and myself, in our generation at least. The successors before us had clearly failed. 

As for how one was selected to join Wammy’s House, some were selected specifically from other orphanages or through adoption agencies. Others, like myself, were fortunate enough to be plucked off the streets. I happened to be eight years old when I was found by Mr. Wammy himself. I only ever knew my father, following him around as he did odd jobs here and there for people. When he started losing business in our home country of Russia, we somehow found ourselves in England. At least there we could afford to hop from hotel to hotel with what bit of money my father made. And as I grew older, he taught me everything he knew about how to survive on the streets. It’s like he knew that he was going to die. I could never forget the day I returned to our sketchy little hotel room, excited to show him the meal I managed to score for us. But it had been too late. 

It was clearly a murder, and judging from how the few things we had owned were taken, I figured it was a robbery as well. I only regret not being able to give my father a proper funeral, but my gut told me I needed to flee before the authorities showed up and tried to take me away. My father managed to survive on the streets (for the most part) and so would I.

Apparently, Wammy had been watching me for some time. He would see me frequently in the markets and whatnot, trying to wheel and deal with shopkeepers. I guess he decided he saw enough when he witnessed me taking down a fully grown homeless man that tried to take my secret stash of chocolate bars inside the alleyway I usually slept in. So the elder man introduced himself and his cause, giving me the choice of coming with him or staying in the streets. Of course I accepted. 

The rest of the orphanage already knew that a new arrival was on the way, it seemed, since when we arrived at the building, we had an audience. The caretaker, Roger, was waiting outside with some of the other kids. They all watched closely as Wammy and I approached, hand in hand. It had been a year since I really even trusted anyone enough to let them touch me, but something told me this old man was genuine. And he was. 

When we walked inside, Roger led Wammy and myself into his office, where we began to form my new identity. I was no longer Mihael Keehl - I was Mello. Oddly enough, the change was refreshing. I could create my own future, my own life. I wouldn’t be just some blond kid that slept in an alleyway and begged strangers for food. I had the opportunity to become something. 

And so, Roger gave me a schedule for classes that I needed to adhere by. All classes were in house, as were basically everything we needed. I was shown to my room and given some basic supplies such as toiletries and whatnot. I had a lot to think over now, given that I had all this talk of classes, successors, and a whole new home to explore. Wammy made sure I was settled in before leaving me to get adjusted at my own pace. Classes wouldn’t begin again until Monday, so I had the rest of today, Saturday, and Sunday to adjust. 

The rest of that day was a blur. But the next thing I remember was something that I regularly thought about. The dictation, the voice, the excitement. If I could have recorded that scene to keep, I would have. I really wouldn’t know what to do if I wouldn’t have met him before starting classes. 

“Hey! You’re that new kid Mello, right? No need to be shy, I won’t bite! Unless you want me to!”


	2. Matt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mello meets Matt for the first time.

Mr. Wammy gently patted my head after assuring that I would be alright to settle in on my own, turning away and leaving the room that apparently now belongs to me. After hearing the subtle click indicating that the door was closed, I found myself nearly falling backwards onto the twin bed I had been standing in front of. Laid beside me were various papers with information on Wammy’s House, given to me as aides for adjusting to the orphanage. 

This was really happening, wasn’t it? I keep expecting to wake up in some small little room with my father, but it never happened. And then that was another thing entirely - Father’s death. I had no time to grieve when it happened, no matter how much time had passed. I had to keep moving, to keep surviving. But now that things were suddenly changing, Father was heavy on my mind. They say everyone has their own way of grieving, well, mine just so happens to be denying and ignoring the whole thing completely. But even now, I have too much to focus on.

My head turned to the side from my lying position, looking to the small stack of papers, deciding that would be a good place to start. I picked up the pile, holding it up over my face within reading distance before looking over the first page. It seemed to be some general guidelines and rules for the orphanage. Now that I looked it over, it was starting to seem more like a correctional institution… 

**_Wammy’s House Expectations and Standards_ **

_ -First and foremost, every child must abide by their specific class schedule _

_ -There will be no tolerance for violence or fighting _

_ -Final grades must be no lower than a “C” without good reason _

_ -When needed or instructed, tutoring will be available to those that require it _

_ -Children will be expected to attend breakfast, lunch, and dinner to ensure proper nutrition _

_ -Optional physical fitness activities will be available and strongly recommended to children _

_ -Front and back doors will be closed and locked by 9pm every night _

_ -Children are expected to be in bed shortly after the doors lock _

_ -Children are allowed to leave the House grounds only when an accompanying adult is available _

_ -Laundry baskets are to be left outside all rooms on Thursday mornings for washing _

_ -Rooms are expected to be tidy and are subject to inspection if there is good reason _

_ -Boys and girls are expected to use the appropriate communal bathroom, no exceptions _

_ -Drug and/or alcohol use is ABSOLUTELY NOT permitted by both staff and children _

_ -Children are expected to be respectful of their peers and staff _

_ -Any personal necessities or emergencies must be reported to Roger _

_ -The clinic is available for immediate medical needs and any serious conditions will be assessed _

_ -Children requiring medication may receive doses from the clinic as needed _

_ -Monthly physicals will be required for all children as preventative care measures _

_ -Toiletries may be replenished by visiting the Housekeeping Office _

I wonder how many kids actually adhere to these rules? I mean, it seems like a pretty good trade for free housing and education. It seems all they expect is for us to keep our grades up and to stay out of trouble. I suppose I can manage that. 

The next page was a little more about the orphanage itself. It’s owned by Mr. Wammy of course, with Roger as the current caretaker for the House. It was started some time ago and its primary purpose is to provide care and education to children with the hopes of finding one of them to succeed… L? Whoever that was. There was probably a page on this person somewhere here. But anyway, the house was divided by common areas, classrooms, and living quarters. The first floor was reserved for classrooms and other areas such as the cafeteria, library, front office, clinic, housekeeping, and common room. The second floor was purely dedicated to dorm rooms and bathrooms. Girls were on the left side of the floor and boys were on the right side. Meals are served assembly line style, with children free to take their food to their rooms or to dine in the common areas or cafeteria. Breakfast is served from 6:30am to 8am, lunch from 11:30pm to 1:00pm, and dinner from 5:00pm to 6:30pm. Seemed simple enough. 

Next, a general map of the place. That would be useful. Folding up the map, I slipped it into my pocket for safekeeping before continuing onto the next page. A name list of all the teachers, staff, and other children. Not that it really makes a difference to me - I don’t know any of these people yet. Okay, last page. Looks like it’s my class schedule. 

**_Weekly Class Schedule for: Mello_ **

_**Monday:** 8am to 9am - English Basics, 9:30am to 11am - World History, 11:30am to 1:00pm - Lunch/Free Time, 1:00pm to 2:00pm - Math Basics, 2:30pm to 3:30pm - Science Basics, 4:00pm to 4:40pm - Freeform Art  _

_**Tuesday:** 8am to 9am - Reading Basics, 9:30am to 11am - Music, 11:30am to 1:00pm - Lunch/Free Afternoon _

_**Wednesday:** 8am to 9am - English Basics, 9:30am to 11am - World History, 11:30am to 1:00pm - Lunch/Free Time, 1:00pm to 2:00pm - Math Basics, 2:30pm to 3:30pm - Science Basics, 4:00pm to 4:40pm - Freeform Art  _

_**Thursday:** 8am to 9am - Reading Basics, 9:30am to 11am - Music, 11:30am to 1:00pm - Lunch/Free Afternoon _

_**Friday:** 8am to 11:00am - Designated Study Time, 11:30am to 1:00pm - Lunch/Free Afternoon _

Already I can tell that Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday would be my favorite days. This seemed like an awful lot of content for an eight year old, but all of us were expected to excel. I may have never actually been in a school since I was five, but I always valued knowledge. Often, I would find math books, English books - really anything - and I would study them while Father worked. I’m confident these classes will be a breeze. 

Setting the papers back down, I sighed. What if I can’t adjust here? What if I turn out to be the stupid kid? They’d kick me out and I would go right back to the streets. I have to succeed, I just have to. 

After awhile, I stood up and went to the closet that was in one of the corners of the room. Roger said there would be a few changes of clothes inside, but to let him know soon what kind of clothes I would like. Inside the closet, I found a pair of plain navy blue pajama pants with a matching shirt, among other clothes. It would be nice to get some fresh clothes on for once, so obviously I wasted no time with getting changed into the pajamas. I tossed my old clothes into the laundry bin that was next to the closet, then made my way over to the window by my bed. Wow,  _ my bed _ . That felt weird to say, or rather, think. 

Looking out of the window, I had a good view of a large grass clearing, which seemed to be an open field for the kids to do sports in. Currently, there was a group of children playing soccer in the field. They all seemed to be happy so that was promising. Still, I have a feeling that it’ll take a long time before I truly feel at home here. 

Once I had enough of looking out of the window, I returned to my bed, this time getting under the blankets. The papers fell to the floor as my feet kicked them off the foot of the bed, but I could care less right now. My mind, body, and soul was exhausted. The clock on the nightstand next to my bed indicated that it was only six in the afternoon, but I really can’t stay awake any longer. Soon enough, I was off to dream world as if someone had just flipped a switch. 

* * *

My internal clock woke me up at 5am the next day. I had an hour and a half before breakfast and if God were to grant me luck, I would be fortunate enough to be able to look around the orphanage without people gawking at me. But first things first - must get out of bed. Which, really was the hardest thing to do since it was extremely comfortable. But eventually I managed to stand up, stretching slowly. Walking to the end of the bed, I finally picked up the fallen papers, neatly piling them in a stack and setting them on the desk that was placed against the wall opposite of my bed. 

So many questions decided to flood my mind today. Mostly about how I was supposed to find what classroom I needed to be in at the scheduled times. Were there labels outside the doors, maybe? That would be a top priority to find, as well as the boys’ bathrooms, cafeteria, and the clinic. Everywhere else would just fall into place. 

I went to the closet again, finding some jeans and a plain black shirt to wear for the day. There was only one other pair of jeans and another shirt, so I guess I better stop by Roger’s office later to talk about clothing. I switched out of the PJs and into the other outfit, tossing my PJs onto my bed. It was time to explore. 

As I stepped out of my room it almost felt like I would be flooded with onlookers, but thank the almighty Lord, there was no one. It was actually really quiet inside the orphanage. I started off going left, down the long hallway of rooms. An interesting fact I noticed was that the doors seemed to have the kids’ names on the outside, on a whiteboard. I got the impression that the kids were free to decorate them as they pleased, though the names were engraved into the top of the board. One boy had a cool drawing of Pikachu on his board, which I was actually proud of knowing what it was. I mean, everyone knows Pikachu, right? 

It wasn’t until I turned down another hallway that I realized I forgot my map inside my other pair of pants. I could go back, but I was too far gone now. This would just have to be a freeform adventure now. It seemed that at the end of the hall was where the main boys’ bathroom was - the one that contained showers. That’s useful to know. Though the hall dead ended at the bathroom, so I had to turn around and walk the opposite way and past my room to find the stairs leading to the first floor. The other side of the floor was the girls’ rooms, which I have no interest in. 

Exploring downstairs was pretty much a blur. There were a handful of classrooms, a library, the common room, the clinic, a music room, Roger’s office (which he was not currently inside of at the moment), a rec room, the housekeeping office, and numerous bathrooms. I feel confident in my knowledge of what is available, now it’s just remembering where everything is. 

Before I knew it, breakfast was beginning. A wall clock in the common room told me that it was already 6:13am and outside the room I could hear talking and shuffling feet to where I assumed was the cafeteria. I walked out of the common room, down the hall and to the main entrance of the building. It was there that I saw the other kids going down another hallway, so I decided to follow. Sure enough, there was the cafeteria at the end of the hallway. It was a rather big area with many tables and chairs laid out for eating at. Right as you walked in there was a cart full of clean food trays, so I followed suit like everyone else and took one. Then, I followed some of the kids to the food line where three elderly ladies were placing scoops of food on the trays as the kids held them up to the windows that separated the kitchen from the cafeteria. 

The chatter in the room got louder as I moved through the line. Breakfast for today was scrambled eggs, hash browns, fresh fruit, and sausage. Available in refrigerators at the end of the line were cartons of milk, chocolate milk, apple juice, orange juice, and water. I grabbed a chocolate milk once I received my food, also grabbing a fork before I started making my way through the now crowded room to find an empty table. There was one in the back corner of the room and again I had to thank God for looking out for me. I sat down in a chair that allowed me to view the whole room and although the food smelled and looked delicious, my stomach felt sick. There is no way I can fit in here. There are so many kids; ones that looked smart, ones that looked mean, ones that looked like they really didn’t care about what was going on, ones that looked snobbish. I never had friends before, but especially now I feel extremely alone and hopeless. I’ll just eat this one meal and then escape. They’ll never know what they missed - probably won’t even realize that I’m gone. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do. I can even- 

“Hey! You’re that new kid Mello, right? No need to be shy, I won’t bite! Unless you want me to!”

Suddenly, another tray appeared next to mine and a redhead boy was sitting down next to me. He had the biggest grin I’ve ever seen and well, it took a minute before I realized he was talking to me. 

“Oh, yeah, I’m Mello.” The first time introducing myself as ‘Mello’. It felt odd, but I liked it. 

“Well nice to meet you! I’m Matt. Are you getting used to everything? It’s a lot at first, but you’ll like it here,” Matt commented, digging in with the eggs on his tray. 

“It’s a lot to remember…” I responded, deciding to take his cue and began eating as well.

“Basically, you go to class, try your hardest, eat, a little exercise, sleep, and repeat. Like a normal kid, ya know? Except cooler.”

Matt’s enthusiasm was reassuring - maybe I wouldn’t have to run away after all. He didn’t seem so concerned about fitting in, especially if he was sitting with me. Didn’t he have friends of his own? Curiosity got the better of me.

“Why are you sitting with me? Don’t you have friends or something?” I asked.

Matt looked surprised by my question and drank some of his apple juice before he responded. “I don’t really have friends. I play games with some of the other boys but we aren’t friends. I was hoping you would be my friend…” 

I couldn’t help but smile. My first friend and I didn’t even try. Matt seemed like he would be a fun friend to have and it would just be a bonus if he helped me adjust to the orphanage a little easier.

“You have to show me where your room is so we can find each other and hang out,” I said as confirmation of our new friendship. It certainly was good enough for Matt because shortly after, he leaned over and hugged me tightly as he grinned again. And I couldn’t not hug back, even if Matt was hugging me a little too tightly. He’s my first friend and at this moment, I already decided that I will do anything for him.


	3. Near

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mello meets Near. Angst ensues.

Matt and I spent the rest of the day together and it turned out to be the best day of my life. He showed me around the orphanage because I didn't have the heart to tell him I had already explored it myself, though walking through a second time helped me get used to where things are. During our walkthrough, Matt introduced me to some of the kids he knew and I could tell why he wasn't friends with them. They didn't have any ambition or grasp on reality, clearly they were among the lower ranks here. Matt was nothing like them. We had only known each other for a few hours but already we had this instant dynamic. Our conversations ranged from serious to playful to sarcastic and everything in between. 

But for the rest of the day, Matt and I just relaxed together. The first half of the afternoon we spent in my room, where Matt brought me some of his things for me to keep like some of his Pokemon toys, some books, a calendar, and even a bag of candy. We had lunch and dinner together too and then we retreated to Matt's room for the remainder of the day. And as fate had it, he just so happened to be the boy with the Pikachu board. 

By the time we had to go to bed, I couldn't bring myself to leave Matt's room. We were playing video games on his Nintendo DS and talking about our backgrounds. Apparently Matt was from Ireland and was brought here a year ago after his parents died in a house fire. He expressed that he was scared of fire because of that so he never attended the bonfires they sometimes held for the kids in the summer. Matt was actually pretty smart as well, it just seemed like he lacked motivation. And just when I felt that I was really getting to know him, it was time for bed. I told Matt I didn't want to leave and he let me stay in his room for the night, the both of us sharing his bed. Apparently that was not permitted, but nobody came to check the rooms anyway so it would be fine. 

Now it's Sunday and we decided to hang out in the common room after breakfast. The common room was really just a large room with some couches, bean bag chairs, a radio, a TV, and some basic things like board games and art supplies. It was a nice place to go and relax after classes, as Matt had explained. Currently we were sitting on a couple of bean bags and watching what was on the TV, which happened to be some French cartoon that one of the French kids put on. Everyone seemed equally confused but Matt and I were just making fun of it by commenting on what it sounded like the characters said. 

But while Matt and I were laughing, I noticed one of the kids sitting in the corner opposite of us with a puzzle. Except he was sitting on the floor and staring at me for some reason. Everything about him was white from his hair to his socks. He looked like… an angel? Was I imagining him? 

"Matt," I called to my companion, eyes still locked on the boy in the corner, "who is that?" 

"Huh? Oh, that's Near. He's kind of a loner. Nobody really talks to him and he's so awkward. The teachers say he's smart though." 

Matt didn't seem too concerned with the kid, but I found it weird how he kept eyeing me. And the fact that he didn't have any friends? That was sad. Just yesterday morning I had nobody to call a friend and I strongly believe everyone should have at least one friend. I have to do something.

"Maybe people don't understand him. I'm going to go say hi," I said to Matt, standing up from my seat.

"Don't say I didn't warn you," Matt retorted with a laugh. 

Despite Matt's warning, I proceeded to walk over to the boy, smiling as I approached him. I expected maybe a friendly smile back but he just stared like I'm an alien. Maybe Matt was right… but still, I have to try. 

"Hi um, I'm Mello - the new kid. What's your name?" I made sure to introduce myself with the tag of new kid, as others had seemed to give me that title.

"Near," the boy responded. His voice was monotonous, smooth, and quiet. It was kind of offsetting.

"Nice to meet you. Um… do you want to come watch TV with the rest of us?" 

Near looked down at his puzzle like he was actually considering the offer. After a moment he continued working on his task, placing puzzle pieces together again. "No, thank you."

I expected his response just by his actions, yet it still surprised me. I was trying to be nice, why did he say no? Was he afraid or did he just think he was better than us?

"Well if you change your mind, we'll be over there," I decided to say, leaving the conversation on a friendly note. But on the downside, I had to return to Matt like a dog with its tail between its legs. He was already laughing by the time I settled down into my chair again. 

"Do you feel silly now?" He asked, still laughing.

"Shut up," I replied, shoving Matt's shoulder playfully.

Suddenly, Roger's voice came into the room through a PA system that I didn't know we had. But I guess it was to be expected, how else would he communicate with everyone at once? 

"Children, your attention please. News has been brought to me today that L will be visiting sometime this week. Since classes have only just begun, we have not had the chance to determine the order of likely successors to L. That is why we ask that you all make your way into any of the classrooms at this time for testing that will help us determine your rank, in preparation for L's arrival. As a reward for this short notice, an ice cream social will be hosted alongside dinner tonight. Thank you for your understanding and best of luck to you all." 

There was a bit of feedback from the microphone, making everyone cringe and even groan. Clearly Roger was not used to technology and had no control over the microphone, but at last the speaker turned off and we were granted our sanity back.

Almost in unison, everyone began to get up and make their way out of the room. Matt and I walked together behind the crowd, following them like a herd of sheep. And then it dawned on me once more - who is L? There was nothing in my welcome papers about him. Wammy or Roger didn't mention him either. Matt had to know, he knows everything. 

"Hey Matt? Who is L?" I asked him.

"L is the reason we study so hard. He's the world's greatest detective and when he's done, one of us will take his place. It's a huge honor," Matt explained, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. He led us into the English classroom, where we found a couple vacant desks in the back. 

"Oh…" I can't grasp the concept of L. All this for becoming a detective? And for only one position? What would everyone else do? Would they get kicked out? I really don't understand…

The classroom teacher came into the room and cleared her throat at the front of the class, holding a stack of papers that I assume are our tests."Thank you for coming, everyone! As Roger said, you'll be taking a test that will assess your current intelligence levels. On the test, there will be four major sections to be completed: math, reading/writing, science, and reasoning skills. The test will not be timed but we ask that you try to complete it in a timely manner. Each section has 20 questions varying from open response to multiple choice. Calculators will not be provided, but scratch paper and pencils will be. As soon as I hand out your test and supplies, you may begin." 

* * *

The test took about an hour and a half for me to complete. When I turned it in to the teacher, Matt was still working on his own test. He looked pretty stressed but I managed to catch his eye long enough to give him an encouraging thumbs up as I left the room. I hope he doesn't try too hard. 

To kill time while I waited for Matt, I decided to visit Roger to discuss my clothing dilemma. I had no idea what kind of clothes I wanted so when he asked, I simply shrugged my shoulders. Roger asked what my favorite color was and when I told him it was black, he seemed surprised. I know, not typical for my age but what about me is typical? That was why Mr. Wammy wanted me, right? 

After talking to Roger, I had to find something else to occupy myself with. When I peeked into the classroom I was previously in, Matt was still there. It wasn't until dinner time that I finally saw him again. 

"Did you take two tests or something?" I joked, laughing at Matt while I ate my pizza slice.

Matt simply pouted at me, whining like a baby. He kind of is a baby, to be fair. "I hate tests. I get so nervous and overthink my answers. Sometimes I throw up, too." 

That explained a lot. But now I felt bad for my joke, even if I meant nothing by it. I'll just have to help him later. Maybe we could study together once I start my classes.

"I'm sorry, Matt. I'm sure you did good. It wasn't that hard," I said, trying my best to be supportive.

"Yeah, I guess. But we got ice cream so who cares!" He giggled excitedly, eyeing the bowl of ice cream he was currently eating. I told him to eat his dinner first, but the maniac wouldn't listen. Instead he proceeded to shovel his mouth with vanilla ice cream topped with fudge, sprinkles, whipped cream, cherries, caramel, and gummy bears. Compared to my simple chocolate ice cream with sprinkles.

Our cafeteria table was the same one Matt and I met at, which we pretty much claimed as ours. And the other kids knew it because they left us alone. As I ate, I glanced around the cafeteria and caught sight of Near. Surprise - he's staring at me again. What is with that kid? I tried to be nice but he would rather just stare than be friends. But there could still be hope. 

"Exciting news, everyone!" Roger's voice rang through the cafeteria, this time in person and not over the PA. Thank God. He stood in the front near the entrance where we all could see him, holding a paper in his hands. "We have worked hard to get all your tests graded and ranked as quickly as possible. And now, we have your official Wammy House ranks!"

It felt like my heart would beat out of my chest. Why am I nervous? I don't even know L so why should I want to succeed him? Then again, it would give me a purpose. Father would be so proud. And the competition wasn't much from what I've seen. Here's to hoping. 

Roger continued, "Okay, now let's see. First in line we have Near. Congratulations, Near! Second place is Mello. Well done, Mello! Third place is Matt. Great job, Matt! Fourth place is-" 

NEAR is first place? How? The kid's head is so hollow, he couldn't even talk to me like a normal human being! There is no way he did better than me on the test. No way.

"Hey at least we're close in rank! I did way better than I thought! Oh my gosh, I bet we get to meet L!" Matt started babbling, grinning over at me. 

But my eyes were fixed on a certain someone across the cafeteria. He looked at me with those soulless eyes and now it just felt like a challenge. Us, friends? No. This is war. I will be better than him even if it kills me. 


	4. L

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mello meets L.

Things only got worse after the announcement of our ranks. Friends were turning on friends, the older kids were determined to do nothing but study. I had to admit, I would feel pretty horrible if I ranked lower than three kids that were younger than me. But needless to say, I already felt horrible for scoring below Near. It still makes no sense to me.

But I had no time to muster over this further because Roger specifically asked Matt, Near, and I to meet him in his office after dinner. No doubt to talk about L. 

"Hurry, Matt! We have to finish before Near gets to Roger's office!" I said to Matt while simultaneously shoving my mouth full of pizza and ice cream. Matt must have thought I looked weird because instead of hurrying, he just laughed at me.

"What is wrong with you? Does it matter who makes it to Roger's office first? You're not going to turn all crazy, are you?" Matt raised an eyebrow, genuine worry on his face.

"What? No, we just have to prove to him that he's not the one that runs the show. We are the ones that run it!" The need to make our mark on the social and intellectual standings at Wammy's is strong in me. Naturally, Matt is included because I couldn't do this without him. But knowing that Near is the number one, I can see now that he rejected my offer when we first met because he thinks he's better than me. But that'll change.

"Is it too late for me to look for a new best friend?" Matt asked with a grin, a sure sign that he was joking. Instead of blowing up at him, I simply tossed my napkin at his face. 

I stood up, swallowing the bits of food that I was working hard on consuming. "Well if you're going to joke instead of eating, let's go." I grabbed my mostly empty food tray, taking it to the garbage to throw out whatever was left. Matt followed as usual, copying my actions and walking alongside me as we headed for Roger's office. 

"Well look, we even beat Roger. Are you happy now?" Matt commented once we stepped into the vacant office. Roger must have gone to talk to the staff. 

"It's even better. Roger will see how determined we are," I responded, leaning against Roger's desk. 

"Do we really have to make this a competition? I mean, we're lucky to even be in the top three!" Matt pleaded as he went to take a seat in one of the stray chairs in the room.

"You won't get anywhere with that mindset. It's not about competition, it's about improving and becoming the best version of yourself," I replied.

"By beating everyone else, right? That's literally competition."

Before I could protest, Roger walked into the office. He didn’t seem to notice us at first, jumping in surprise when he looked up from the papers in his hands that he had been looking at. "Mello, Matt. Thank you for coming. I see you two have become fast friends. Perhaps Near could join you two."

The expression that Matt and I shared with each other after that last statement was enough to explain that we had no interest in being friends with Near. Roger didn't see though, instead moving to go sit behind his desk. I moved as well, sitting next to Matt instead. Just as I did, Near walked into the office.

"Ah, there he is! We were just talking about you, Near," Roger greeted, smiling at the white-clad boy.

"I think he means that he was talking about Near, not us. We would have got in trouble if we were talking about him," Matt leaned closer to me and whispered, both of us giggling in response. That earned us a nasty glare from Roger though, so we stopped.

Near chose to stay standing in front of Roger's desk while Roger cleared his throat. "You three know your ranks. That being said, you will meet L this week. Don't be nervous, he simply wants to meet his possible successors. We will be informing him of your scores and ranks. But most of all, this will be a good time to learn about what will be expected of you. As successors, you will get special privileges that the other children do not have."

"Like what?" Matt asked, suddenly very interested.

"Well… Unlimited access to the library. An allowance. Opportunities to assist L-"

"Why do we get special treatment?" I found myself interrupting Roger with my curiosity. Something seemed weird about this.

"Because we expect a lot from the three of you. You're all more mature than the others and therefore, very trustworthy. And… the three of you were specifically chosen by Mr. Wammy from the start. You may have very tragic stories but you're meant for greatness. We just want to help you achieve it," Roger explained. 

Tragic stories? Even then, I wouldn't feel bad for Near. That may make me seem heartless but life is rough. Feeling bad for someone won't aid them in any way. Matt and I both know pain but do we flaunt it? Nope. But how does that make us trustworthy? We're kids, not adults.

"So… you knew from the start when each of us came here that this would happen?" I added to my line of questioning. 

"Yes. But we had to give an equal opportunity for everyone to prove themselves with the test you took. Now, L will be here Tuesday. You will be excused from classes Monday and Tuesday, in fact. We will be rewriting your class schedules to courses that are more appropriate for your levels," Roger continued. 

"Can Mello and I have the same schedule?" Matt spoke up again.

"I'll do you one better. The three of you will have the same schedule," Roger replied. 

Instinctively, Matt grabbed my hand and squeezed it lightly before I could have an outburst. I squeezed his hand back in response, as if to thank him. I really would be lost without him. 

And even after we left the office, Matt kept holding my hand. It was like we were connected telepathically. He knew what I was feeling and remained silent. Even as we walked to his room. I just couldn't shake the thought of Near being the favorite and throwing it in my face. I'll show him.

* * *

Finally, Tuesday arrived and though I was excited, I also wanted to throw up. I was happy that Mr. Wammy was coming as well, but from what I heard, he was close to L. That meant L must be pretty great. But what if he doesn’t think I'm good enough to succeed him? What if he dismisses me altogether? 

Looking in the mirror above the sink I was standing at in the boys bathroom, I inspected myself thoroughly. My hair had been brushed to perfection, my teeth sparkling clean, and I made sure to shower before anyone else had gotten up. I felt ready physically, but my mind was far from ready.

As I gathered up my toiletries, I spotted a white figure in the doorway to the bathroom. Of course he's here. It seems since Sunday, he's been everywhere I go. How annoying. 

I made my way to the doorway, glaring at Near. "What are you looking at?" I asked as I pushed my way past him, not even wanting a response, really. The door closed behind me before I could get one, anyway. I hated this - having so many mixed emotions. Anger, sadness, anxiety, which was the right one? 

One quick stop to my room to get rid of my things, and then I was off to the common room. Matt wasn't up this early and he would need his energy today, so I wouldn't wake him. Some mindless TV would be fine in the meantime. 

But on the way down the stairs, I found what looked like a cell phone on the floor. Looking up, I could only assume it belonged to a man that was nearby, looking at some plaques that were on the wall. None of the kids had phones and Roger definitely didn't have one. Not to mention, I didn't recognize the man. He had crazy hair and a bit of a slouch, but he didn’t look like he'd hurt anyone. I had gotten good at reading people, so I would know.

I reached down and grabbed the phone before walking over to the man, carefully approaching so I wouldn't spook him. "Excuse me, sir? Did you drop this?" I held out the phone, taking in the man's appearance once he turned to face me.

"Hmm? Oh yes, that is mine. Thank you for returning it. What is your name?" the man replied, taking the phone from me and slipping it into his pocket.

"It was near the stairs. Oh, my name is Mello," I replied, wanting to ask the man questions but slightly scared. Why did he want my name anyway?

"Mello… Perhaps our paths will cross again. Please excuse me," he gave me a quick smile before turning away and walking off. This day was pretty odd already. 

After about half an hour in the common room, Matt finally showed up. It was pretty early for him, demonstrated by his yawning as he sat next to me on the couch. He probably had an alarm set so he wouldn't miss out on meeting L.

"Morning. It's too early. 6am? Ew. I heard some kids say L is here already, though. Did you sleep okay?" He smiled over at me, despite seemingly having no energy. I admire how he manages to keep positive. And how he always asks me how I slept or if I ate enough. 

"Good morning. I slept well. Mostly. Don't worry, we can nap later. No classes today anyway," I returned the smile to Matt, leaning against his shoulder. Just having him here, I felt calm already. 

The PA speaker squeaked a little and Roger's voice rang through the room, grabbing mine and Matt's attention. 

"Near, Mello, and Matt: please report to my office as soon as possible. Thank you." The speaker clicked off quickly this time. Well, this must be it. The moment of truth.

"Ready?" Matt asked as he looked over to me, standing up and offering his hand to me. I nodded and took his hand, standing up as well. 

We walked to Roger's office like that, but let go once we were outside the door. It was closed this time, so I knocked on it out of courtesy. After a second, the door opened and Mr. Wammy appeared. 

"Mello, Matt, welcome! Come in," he greeted, stepping aside for us to walk in.

I couldn't help myself again, that seems to be my theme lately. I hugged Mr. Wammy tightly, feeling overjoyed to see him. After all, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for him. The elder chuckled and hugged me back, stroking my hair gently. He was like the grandfather I always wanted. "Nice to see you too, Mello."

Once we broke our embrace, Matt and I walked further into the office to see Near was already there with Roger and - the man from earlier? 

"Matt, Mello, Near, this is L. L, these are your successors," Mr. Wammy explained, now that Matt, Near and I were lined up side by side. 

"Nice to meet you all. Ah, Mello, I believe we met already. You passed my test," L said, looking directly at me.

"Test?" I asked.

"Yes. You had a few options regarding the abandoned cell phone you found. You could have kept it and looked through it. You could have reported it to Roger. You could have simply ignored it. Or, you could have used deductive reasoning to return it to its owner. You did the latter, which means you are much more intelligent than the others that may have seen the phone before you," L explained. 

But was Near one of them that passed it? Matt was still asleep at the time so he wasn't even a subject to this test. So not only was L testing my reasoning skills, he also tested my morals. And he liked my response. Score for Mello!

I felt a pair of hands on each of my shoulders and when I looked up, I recognized them to belong to Mr. Wammy. I then looked back to L as Mr. Wammy spoke, "Mello is very skilled in communication with others, as well as piecing information together. I have watched him talk himself out of some tough situations." 

"I see… And I understand Near is adept in many subjects and reasoning skills as well. And Matt excels in technology," L noted.

"That is correct. The boys each possess qualities that could rival your own skills, L," Wammy said with a chuckle. 

I expected L to be angered by this fact, but he seemed rather emotionless. Much like Near. But even then, I can see some hint of warmth in L’s eyes. Near was just lifeless. 

“Well, I believe the kitchen should be open for breakfast. I will get you all some food while you get acquainted,” Roger spoke after a few moments of silence passed. I had completely forgotten about breakfast but thankfully my stomach had stopped flip flopping now. 

Roger left the room, leaving us three kids with Mr. Wammy and L. Matt tugged my sleeve and led us over to the pair of chairs on the other side of the room, sitting down together. Near chose to move onto the floor with a puzzle he must have brought with him. L seemed to be just observing us all, eyes darting between the three of us. 

“Near, Mello, Matt… Do you have any questions for me?” L asked. 

The silence continued for a bit until Matt decided to break it with a question. A very Matt question. 

“Do you play video games?”

* * *

After Matt’s ice breaking question, the rest of the meeting with L went pretty smoothly. L and Matt got into a debate about how video games can actually be pretty useful when it comes to honing your logic and reasoning skills. Roger brought us some pancakes and eggs for breakfast, though L seemed to neglect the eggs and instead had some pancakes topped with lots of syrup. Near was pretty quiet through the whole thing, only speaking when L addressed him directly. It was Matt and I that conversed with L. 

He told us about how we were expected to have the best grades and study hard to become the next L. It is only supposed to be one successor, but they were planning for the future by selecting three of us. L then explained what his work entailed, how he solved impossible crimes and saved the world. He’s just like a superhero. The pressure of becoming like L was pretty heavy but I’m more excited than anything. 

Lunch time passed and now Matt and I were back in the common room, enjoying a game of Scrabble. Near sat in his usual corner, playing with his toys while he stared over at us. If he had something to say, why didn’t he say it? 

Suddenly, I felt something small hit my face and looked over to Matt, catching a big grin on his face which told me he was the one that threw a Scrabble letter tile at me. “It’s your turn, stop looking at Near! Why is he so interesting to you anyway?”

Scoffing, I looked down at the board and assessed the letters already in place. I placed some of my own letters to form the word ‘intricate’ before looking up at Matt again. “He’s not interesting. He’s stupid. And he’s always looking at me. It’s so creepy.”

“He probably wants to play with you but doesn’t know if you want to play with him,” Matt suggested, placing his own tiles on the board. 

“Yeah, right. He didn’t want to watch TV with us when I asked,” I replied as I shuffled my tiles around.

“No, I mean maybe he wants to play with you. Like you and him only.” 

If that was the case, Near had a weird way of showing it. I mean, Matt had no problem coming up to me and straight out asking to be friends. It wouldn’t work with Near, we are just way too different. 

“I’m going to the bathroom. This game is boring now anyway,” I said after a long while, standing up from our spot on the floor. 

“I’m glad you think so too,” Matt laughed and started cleaning up the tiles with the board.

I feel bad for lying to Matt, but I don’t really have to go to the bathroom. I just had to get away from Near’s prying eyes. As soon as I left the common room, I felt instantly relieved. Some mindless wandering always helped me calm down, so that was what I did. As I walked around the first floor of the House, I spotted a door that I had known to always be locked - suddenly open now. Naturally, I had to investigate.

When I walked into the room, I found a layout much similar to our dorm rooms. There was a bed and a desk, but the room was much bigger. There was also a small sitting area and it was only then that I noticed L sitting on one of the chairs, inspecting some papers that were laid out on the coffee table in front of himself. My gasp was completely accidental, but I kind of scared myself when I noticed L’s presence. L had turned his head toward me, but he didn’t seem angry to see me there. “Mello. Come in.”

Not knowing what else to do, I walked in. I sat down in the chair that was next to L’s, not knowing what to say. L was just so… amazing. It was like meeting your favorite character. I didn’t want to seem dumb by staying quiet, but I didn’t want to say the wrong thing. 

“You seem nervous. I don’t mind that you’re here, if that’s what you’re wondering,” L stated.

Well that was a relief. I found the courage to ask, “What are you doing?”

L paused before gathering up his papers and placed them in a small stack in the center of the coffee table. “Work. But I think I earned myself a break, thanks to you.” 

I nodded, shifting slightly and playing with the bottom of my shirt. There was a comfortable silence in the room, which gave me the chance to look around some more. It was rather plain in here, I wonder if it was L’s old room. It would make sense, since it was isolated on the first floor of the building. “This used to be your room?”

“Yes. I still use it when I visit. Would you like some chocolate? Sugar is good for enhancing the brain,” L leaned over to the side of his chair that I couldn’t see, bringing out a chocolate bar to hand to me. 

“Thank you…” I mumbled softly while opening the wrapper. Did he know I like chocolate…? The chocolate looked so milky and light. When I took a bite, I felt like I had gone to heaven. The taste was so creamy and smooth. I can understand why it would help the brain.

“You don’t like Near, do you, Mello? You’re intimidated by him because he ranked higher than you. And you feel the need to be the best - to beat Near.” 

Either L was psychic or just insanely smart. And of course, I already know he’s a genius. It just felt so weird to be told how I feel without even having to explain myself. Like L can read me as if I'm a book. It was a talent I picked up on when I was even younger than I am now, but I had never met anyone else with such a talent. 

L continued on, turning his body to face me. “You do not need to prove yourself, Mello. Near has his unique abilities and you have yours. You are very special, Mello. I hope you never forget that.” 

I didn’t realize I was crying until I felt the tickle of tears racing down my face. Having someone to believe in me was something I never really had. I only ever thought I needed to be the best and keep trying hard, but here was L telling me that I’m already good enough. At this point, I felt comfortable with L and didn’t hesitate to stand up and hug him tightly. Maybe I trust too easily. L seemed a little shocked, but hugged back after he realized what was going on. 

And though I still won’t give up on competing with Near, I now know my purpose. To make L proud and succeed him at becoming the best detective in the world. 


	5. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mello realizes his feelings for Matt.

Matt and I met when we were eight years old. Both of us are fourteen now and nothing has changed. Well, some things have changed, but we're still the same unstoppable force that everyone at Wammy's House has come to know very well. 

Health class was one of the extra courses we had to attend now, as a coming of age thing. Everyone dreaded it - I mean come on, do we really have to be subjected to this kind of torture? We're smart enough to figure out what happens when a man and woman have sex. 

"This is a very confusing time for most of you - many things within your body are changing. Physically and otherwise. And may I remind you all, sexual acts of any sort are not tolerated here at Wammy's House. Now, let's continue where we left off from last time," our health teacher, Mr. Davis continued to instruct us about the male anatomy. 

Wammy boys that were at or near age 14 were gathered in the classroom that was generally used for art, now renovated as a health class. Matt and I sat side by side of course, desks pushed close together so we could gossip. We had our handouts for the lesson in front of us, doodling on each other's papers. 

Matt leaned even closer to me, whispering while Mr. Davis focused on his PowerPoint. "Why is Near even included in our class? Can you imagine him having sex?"

I tried my hardest to keep my laughter quiet, eyes automatically floating to Near's spot on the other side of the classroom. "That's about as likely as Roger getting laid," I replied, the both of us bursting into giggles now.

"Matt and Mello! Is there something you'd like to share with the class? What's so funny?" Mr. Davis caught on at last, him and the rest of the class staring at us.

"It's really not any of your business," I replied, my signature sassy attitude popping out. I definitely leveled up from timid, naive child-Mello. 

Mr. Davis was fuming. He crossed his arms over his chest, nodding his head over to an empty desk on the other side of the room. "Then save it for when you're outside of my class and come sit over here by Near."

Ugh, of course it had to be by Near. It's like the teachers are all sadists - whenever they move me it's always by Near. I angrily gathered up my things and moved to the vacant desk, reluctantly. As I sat, Near even had the audacity to say, "Hello, Mello." 

"Fuck off," I hastily responded, catching Mr. Davis' glare. But he chose not to say anything this time, knowing this is a battle he couldn't win.

Mr. Davis' took a moment to type on his computer, a sign that he was likely emailing Roger about Matt and I again. We were the troublemakers of every class, despite my determination to get the best grades. I'm fantastic at multitasking anyway - who says you can't work and play at the same time? It was just so hard to control myself around Matt. 

Near stayed quiet for the rest of the class, as did I. Every so often I would glance back at Matt to find him mocking me by silently fake-laughing. That asshole. Soon enough, the class came to a close. When everyone started leaving, Mr. Davis made sure to call out, "Matt and Mello, Roger wants to see you in his office. Now." 

Surprise, surprise. 

Matt spent the walk to Roger's office laughing audibly now about my time sitting next to Near. He was enjoying this far too much, but I reserved my thoughts and found solace in the chocolate bar I had stored in my pocket. It tasted even sweeter than revenge.

When we walked into Roger's office, we found the old man himself sitting behind his desk. His hands were linked, chin resting atop them. The stance that told us he was upset and going to give us a lecture.

"You two… I'm getting tired of seeing the pair of you in my office for any reason that isn't necessary. You know, Mello, I expected that since you are so adamant about beating Near, you would take your studies more seriously," Roger began. I focused on my chocolate instead of blowing up at him, which was undeniably hard for me to do. 

"I understand health may be a hard subject to endure, but I expected you both to be mature about it. How you act affects the other children, you know. The younger ones look up to you both, greatly. Your behavior in class is horrible, but your care for the other children makes up for it. That's why I must punish you both this time. You need to set an example for the youngsters and show them the consequences of such behavior. So tonight, you will be doing dishes after dinner."

We had it coming, the past few visits to Roger's office only left us with a lecture. This time, we had an actual punishment. Admittedly, it could have been worse. 

"Is that all?" I asked.

"Yes. You may leave," Roger replied.

It never felt so good to leave Roger's office. Health had been the last class of the day for us, so now it was just the hour long stretch before dinner. Matt and I usually spent it outside with the other kids, which is where we automatically began walking. 

"What a load of shit," I started in, looking at Matt while we walked. "Roger always acts like we're the caretakers for the little kids. It's not our fault that they like to hang out with us because we know how to have fun."

"Mmm, train the younglings, we must," Matt replied in his best Yoda voice. 

That was all it took for my anger to melt away. I laughed harder than I intended to, but Matt's Yoda impression was honestly my favorite. The red headed geek had so many cute quirks to him. I guess that's how I figured out I had a crush on my best friend - any other quirks people had would piss me off. But not with Matt. 

So our 'punishment' would be the opportune time to confess my feelings. Matt showed interest in girls, sure, but something told me he had feelings for me too. There were too many accidental touches, too many times we both blushed when toppling over each other while playing soccer. These things were just hard evidence. 

We messed around outside for a while, walking around the grounds. There weren't enough kids out to have a proper soccer match, but it was refreshing not playing soccer for once. It was something we did nearly every day, anyway. Soon enough, dinner came and passed and the cooks had left us to clean up the mess. They provided us with all the sponges and soap we needed, trusting that 'L's successors should be capable of cleaning a whole kitchen on their own'. I mean, yes but that's child labor. 

"We should probably learn how to shut up in class, huh?" Matt spoke, standing at one of the large sinks while he submerged dishes into the soapy water.

"Please, like the teachers never talked during a lecture in their own schooling. At least we have the decency to whisper," I protested, gathering more dishes from the soiled dishes cart to bring to Matt.

Matt simply laughed, shrugging his shoulders. "Whatever you say, Mells."

I placed the stack of plates I had onto the counter beside Matt, contemplating how I wanted to bring up this confession. Should I just go for it? Or ease into it? Maybe if I just-

"Something on your mind?" Matt interrupted my thoughts, looking over at me with concern. 

"Maybe. Why?" I responded.

"You started zoning out and doing that lip biting thing you always do when you're contemplating stuff," Matt answered. 

That's exactly what I mean. Matt pays attention to me in great detail. Now if only he did that with his studies…

"Matt… You know I'm not good with emotions, so… I'm just going to say it. I have romantic feelings for you. I know it's weird but it's getting hard to deal with," I started babbling it seemed, but the way Matt was staring at me caused me to cease.

Matt's face was red, his hands stopped moving, and he was looking at me like I just told him that I broke his DS. "Oh. Uh… That's- it's good. But um, I'm not gay, Mello. I'm sorry." He moved closer, as if he wanted to put a comforting hand on my shoulder, but I stepped back out of his reach. 

What have I done? I ruined everything, beyond repair. Matt and I wouldn't be close ever again. He would never see me the same way and even worse, I would have to watch him fall in love with a girl. I would be nothing to him. 

I continued to back away, stepping backwards until I bumped into something. Or rather, someone. I jumped out of surprise, turning around to find Roger standing there with a solemn expression.

"Mello- sorry to scare you. May I see you in my office? It's urgent," Roger said. 

I felt like I was on the verge of crying and failed to find my voice, so I just nodded and followed Roger without giving another glance at Matt. When we made it to Roger's office, Near was already there with one of his puzzles. Roger took a seat at his desk, doing the same hands-folded-chin-rest pose he did earlier when he scolded Matt and I. Great, what now?

"L is dead."


	6. Epilogue

Looking back now, maybe I acted too hastily. Once I found out L was dead, I instantly committed to the idea of running away. I was certain Matt hated me anyway, so I had literally nothing else to stay for. Near was the one that L would want, not me. I had to act on my own - prove myself. 

But that was all nothing but insecurity talking. 

Then again, maybe I didn't belong at Wammy's House. Maybe I should have run away sooner. I would probably have lived if I did. Some of us are meant for greatness. Others, well, they're merely just pawns. There was no worth in my intelligence, not for me anyway. With the mafia, the Kira case, all I did was use my skills just for someone else to take everything I knew. 

The only person that truly valued me was Matt. Even after my disappearance, he found me and set things right. It was all a stupid teenage misunderstanding. It turned out that he felt the same way, but was scared to admit it, or however that dumbass explained it. So at the very least, I had Matt, if nothing else. He was my life purpose, as shitty as it sounds, considering all that I went through.

And yet, I would do it all again if I had the chance.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like the ending here was rushed, but I wanted to finish this off before starting any new stories. And trust me, I have so many in mind. Thanks for reading!


End file.
